It’s been a busy couple of weeks. Between preparing for a massive inspection at the station, starting a new work schedule, and re-editing the final chapter of my book, I feel exhausted. But there are few of things that are keeping me going.
For starters, I turned twenty-six. It was strange to finally pass the half-way mark for my twenties. Somehow, I always imagined I would have my life in order by now. But looking around at my former classmates made me realize that no one is as well off as they once hoped to be. We’re all broke – working low paying jobs and fighting to put our degrees to use. It’s a bit sad to know that the Baby Boomers’ reality is a seemingly unattainable dream for us Millennials.
Looking at my overwhelming student loans, I often regret my educational choices. I’m glad to have learned the things I did and there’s no class on my transcript that I would take back (except maybe Intro to Geographic Information Systems). But sometimes, I wish I had given up and gone somewhere cheaper. I thought I was doing well by going to such a good university, but in the end, it didn’t help me become a federal investigator. It’s impossible to break into a career path that’s frozen. Now, with so many years behind me, my chances have dwindled into nothing. I try not to mourn my broken dream, but it’s hard to forget the past when you’re still paying for it.
Despite this, things feel a little brighter. While one of my dreams died, another one came true. Three days after my birthday, my best friend, high school sweetheart and love of my life asked for my hand in marriage. We’ve been talking about it for months, but finally hearing him ask that question meant the world to me. To make our next move across the country easier, we’re going to get married in March.
Our friends and family can’t come, but that doesn’t mean we won’t have a ceremony when we’re finally back home. It’s kind of sad having a wedding that no one will celebrate. I know I’ll miss them on my special day. But the lack of an audience allowed for me buy a wedding dress for $4.99 with zero guilt. So there’s that.
The next few weeks are bound to be busy. With our inspection, my increased workout routine, and an impending wedding, I feel more than a little overwhelmed. I get afraid sometimes that as life gets busier, I’ll lose sight of my writing. It’s been forever since I finished my first book and I have yet to start the next part of the series. My lack of progress feels like a heavy storm front, slowly weighing on my chest. If I don’t do something soon, I won’t be able to breathe.
I know I need to get better at making time for my work. My ever-changing schedule complicates things, but I’m certain I can do it if I try. At the very least, I know I won’t be doing this alone. My co-writer is just a phone call away, as are my parents and the rest of my siblings. And soon, I’ll be laying down the roots to a family of my own. I’ve left a lot of things behind, but there’s something better waiting for me.
I can feel it every time he smiles at me.